


Ghost of You

by revior



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Coming Out, Eventual Smut, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Ghost Castiel (Supernatural), Ghost Sex, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Sad, ghost - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:08:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27422473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revior/pseuds/revior
Summary: After The Entity takes Castiel, something strange happens. His body disappeared, but he's still there, breathing and talking.What a shame he's still waiting for Dean to tell him that he loved him too.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, we all deserved something amazing instead of whatever the hell Despair was. 
> 
> And because of that, here's me writing after canon 
> 
> (trigger warning: canonical death - but wait it's like not as bad as you think - alcohol, mentions of suicide - thinking about it - and sex later on)

Dean wanted to say something, wanted to scream, wanted to cry. Wanted to do _anything_ , but he knew that it would be impossible.

Castiel had confessed his love for him and now he was gone, gone forever. Without him, Dean would be lost, even if he would survive. But it made him wonder if being alive while Castiel was gone would be worse than just dying with him.

For a second, Dean wondered whether the best thing would be to just give up, to just abandon life, and try to do something instead of it. Ending it all seemed like an applicable option, but Dean knew that Castiel would've wanted him to live.

And the worst of it all, he didn't get to answer Castiel. He didn't get to tell him that he needed time to figure things out but he pretty much felt the same way. That the way Castiel would've at least gotten some peace and everything would be better. They would both have peace for what's undoubtedly left to come.

It made the Winchester boy wonder where Castiel was at that moment and if he would ever truly find peace because of what happened. He wondered if Castiel hated him because he was too stunned to say anything back to him or if he understood. Or if he just couldn't remember him because that was the effect The Empty could have on some - not that anyone could attest to that as nobody ever came back. 

"You hate me now, and I completely understand that," said Dean Winchester, a tear slipping down his eye. "There was something extraordinary about our relationship, and I want you to know that I felt it too. I felt every single thing that you felt, I just didn't have the courage to tell you.

"You were the one who was always brave for everything, but now you're gone. Which reminds me that you can't even hear me. I love you, Castiel. I'm not sure how, but I really do."

Dean wanted to leave the place where Castiel was stolen from him. He wanted to leave the place that broke his heart and could never associate with anything positive - not that he would be able to associate anything that Castiel had ever touched with positive things. "I guess I have to leave this place, Cas. I want to stay here forever and stay with you, but I need to help them. I need to save them before they die and your death will go for nothing."

He wiped his tears with his sleeve, making it all wet. He started to burn up, hating his jacket as it somehow reminded him of Castiel. It all reminded him of Castiel. "You know, you really went and ruined everything for me. My entire life is never going to be the same."

The man let out a weak laugh after that, a laugh that lined very closely to a cry. But who could blame him? "I hate you for not letting me figure things out, Castiel. I just wanted to figure things out with you and really find myself, but I guess that's impossible."

He then turned around and almost had a heart attack. It took him a while to finally start talking, first to regain his breath, then to make sure his eyes were right, and then to finally find the words he was looking for. "Castiel."


	2. Chapter 2

"Castiel."

For the next few seconds, Dean could hear his own heartbeat and just wanted to scream, but just as when the Empty took him, he couldn't say or do anything. He just stood there.

Cas, on the other hand, seemed to have been prepared for that to come. "I heard what you said," he started, then paused. "And I know that you aren't near ready to do anything, as you don't even know where you are yourself."

"What are you saying?" asked Winchester, confused.

Castiel chuckled. "You said those things because you thought that I couldn't hear you, Dean. It's as obvious to me as it should be to you."

Castiel's words were the truth, but Dean Winchester would never admit that he wasn't brave enough to do or say something. "But I don't know what do to without you."

"I know that," admitted Cas, a soft smile on his face as if he was trying to hide the fact that he had been swallowed by a giant thing just moments before.

Dean was confused, as always, but at least he had someone to blame this time around. "What are you saying, Cas?"

"I'm ready to wait for you to decide whether your feelings for me are as real as mine are for you, Dean. That's what I'm saying."

Winchester just nodded, knowing that there was no point in trying to rush things as it would just end up coming back to haunt him later. It would come back to haunt them both later.

"But do you really think that you'll be able to forgive me for not saying anything when you told me all of that?" he asked, trying to hold back the tears. Castiel was too good for the world and they both knew it.

Castiel laughed. "I think that you told me enough later on when you didn't know that I was listening to you, Dean. Don't worry, I don't hate you for that."

"Why don't you hate me?"

Cas laughed even harder. "Because I don't think that I could ever hate you no matter what."

**Author's Note:**

> this first chapter counts as a sort of prologue but the next chapters will be longer so stay tuned!
> 
> i love comments and kudos soooo :))
> 
> also my [tumblr](https://bluebrownskies.tumblr.com/)


End file.
